My dear American people,
On the eve of the 2015 elections in naija, President Barack Obama addressed the naijan people from the Oval Office. Following that tradition, I want to say a few words to you.
Most of you may not know me. My name is Muhammadu Buhari, a retired general. I am the President of the Federal Republic of naija, the most populous country in Africa, with its largest economy. I address you today concerning your 2020 elections, taking place on Tuesday, November 3.
Your experiment over the last four years has been fun while it lasted. It has also been exhausting for the world. While I was a postgraduate student at the US Army War College in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, the America that I knew then has not been recognizable in the last four years. You have an opportunity to change the course on Tuesday. I hope you all will utilize that opportunity. You, Americans, belong to everybody, and you belong to nobody.
The truth about the myth of American exceptionalism is that there is nothing like American exceptionalism. Since the beginning of time, empires rise and fall for the same old reasons. In every case, the people in the empire either do not see the signs or are handicapped to stop the decline or slow it down.
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo
My concern is that we need America to stand firm for a little while against China’s rising empire while I launch naija on its divine path to become the richest, strongest, and most powerful empire in the world since the Songhai Empire of our forefathers.
While I hope that you make the right choice, I want to use this opportunity to warn your corrupt political leaders to desist from acts of violence. If election results are disputed and the American people choose to express their displeasure by holding peaceful protests, they must be allowed to do so without being attacked by the police, the militias, or by the military. We would not stand by and watch America destroy itself.
I have instructed my diplomats at the UN to initiate the process of deploying UN forces in America should your numerous Bible-clinging and gun-toting tribes and political alliances of deplorables turn this election into a mayhem. Gallant naijan soldiers, known for their skills in bringing peace to Liberia, Sierra Leone, Congo, and others, are ready to storm America and separate your warring factions.
I am also willing to impose visa restrictions on your government officials, who take part in election rigging, ballot snatching or burning, intimidation of opponents, and other acts antithetical to the free exercise of the democratic rights of every American citizen. We in naija consider those rights sacrosanct and we will hold any American official who violates them accountable.
naija has human and material investments in the US and they must be protected. I would be demeaning my sacred oath of office if I allow anything to happen to the likes of Hushpuppi and expensive homes of naija’s former government officials in America.
For naijan citizens in America, be assured that your government is ready to come and evacuate you all at the slightest sign of disturbances anywhere in America. We urge you all to keep in touch with your ever-ready, effective, and efficient naijan embassy and diplomatic posts all over the United States. Please note that you are safe from harm once you are inside any naijan diplomatic building near you. You are as safe as if you were home in our beloved naija. Even the kitchen in our diplomatic outpost is yours to use.
May God bless the Federal Republic of naija. And may God bless the United States of America.
President Muhammadu Buhari, (Retired General), GCFR, FSLC (First School Leaving Certificate)
Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo